⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ALAN B'STARD
"Remember my friends, God is dead. Marx is also dead. But the market lives. The market must become your new God."

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Alan B'Stard (pronounced 'buh-starred') is the main character of 1980s British sitcom, The New Statesman. In the late 1980s, he is elected as a Conservative MP after nearly killing both of his opponents in the running.

He really is quite a horrid little man, horribly obsessed with himself and obsessed with how he can make the most money.

His relations consist of his wife, Sarah, who constantly cheats on him (although he does the exact same to her), Piers Fletcher-Dervish, a meek MP who often finds himself at the end of Alan's sadistic beatings, and Norma Bormann, Alan's right-hand... accountant? Who transitions to get the authorities off her back (or so she says).

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° .☆

AGE: 31
BIRTHDAY: February 29th
WELL?: No
SEX: Yes
CRIMES COMMITTED: Murder, Attempted murder, Electoral fraud, Adultery, Sexual harassment, Sexual assault, Ephebophilia, Treason, Attempted assassination, Zoophilia (heavily implied), Perjury, Fraud, Theft, Arson by proxy, Blackmail
╔════*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*════╗ ╚════*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*════╝